Umm I'm too high to move.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
