I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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