you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
