so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
bring money and cleavage
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
