Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize