This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
