hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
