New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
