my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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