My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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