you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
