I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
