Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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