I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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