Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
