im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.