I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...