sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....