We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
