I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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