dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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