He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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