I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
