Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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