Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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