No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
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He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
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Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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