I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
