You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
