I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
