I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
