I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
