I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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