"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
