I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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