All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
