Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
