I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
