someone get that fucking seahorse.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
