he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
