my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
