I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
