I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
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Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize