Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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