So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
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it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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