in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
wakey wakey hands off snakey
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
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I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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