just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You dont lie about slip and slides
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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