And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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