Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
