who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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