it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
