I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
