hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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