pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
