you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
