first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
