i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
