Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool