She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year