i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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