I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize