My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
