Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
