fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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