I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Farmville is her only friend.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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