You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
