im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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