I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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