every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize