Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
