babies were throwing up all over the place
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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